♥ 8:30 AM
surely even the kindest man on earth would blow, when his morals and values are forced to the corner. and even to think me.
I've certainly been through better days, but today was taught. I would just hope that my lessons will come some time after another. I had one just not long ago. f sia. seriously.
by the lake
after a long time? yes, so so so long.
♥ 3:22 AM
alright, im gonna tell you guys why i deleted this blog like months ago. so you had better listen up. i was so in a not good mental state of mind and i hated the trouble i always get into after blogging so i just hell deleted it. and then all the stuff i blogged about were really short and just the summary of my everyday feelings, there weren't any like how my life everyday was like which is what alot alot alot alot of people are doing.
I hate my laptop. There's something seriously wrong with safari, sometimes i can load websites sometimes i can't even do so. oh my god, it sure pissed me off. Well, just a while ago i was fuming, like seriously. I don't know what's the reason so don't ask me. And mind you, it's not pms. Pms is dumb and an excuse for girls to throw their temper around. So, if my laptop had started faster while i was still hot and mad, you guys would have the chance to read more interesting and strong language and obviously interesting gossips cause i'm a pretty crude girl sometimes but sorry, it just didn't happen today. now later on i still have to do some tedious edits to the layout of this blog cause nowdays you can't copy and paste blogskins from blogskins.com anymore which is so WTH?!!!
I'm sorry you know, for starting this again with such a bad post. But i don't know what happened to me. I'm just extremely unhappy, and i guess i suppressed this kinda feeling for a far too too too long time till its gonna break and that's why i always escape from school these days, unconsciously. I don't even know if im just making myself sick unconsciously. I'm sick of life, thoroughly, really thoroughly. Oh great now my page says " could not contact blogger.com ". screw you safari and the modem.
You know, since the start of the year I have studied hard for my subjects, I put in effort and I felt like a good student. ( now i feel like screaming ) and i always made myself work hard hard hard to maintain my marks, for english or whatever shit. Maybe it was stressful i dont know. But i know now that maybe this is the result of the whatever thing called stress. Oh well, i sure typed fast enough. My typing was never that good after i stopped MSNing seriously for everyday. And doing stupid things such as typing with my eyes closed with my primary school friends. WELL WELL, my mathematics major module is this friday. And i failed my module 3 with a real pathetic score of 30/100. Haha. It pretty funny actually. I hope i can pass my average for maths if i screw up the major module this friday and my previous modules for math was pretty good so argh, just pray hard. I really feel like screwing up this major module. I dont wanna take it anymore for god's sake.
Anyway, thank god i aced my combined humans so my average for this module is okay with my math score. THANK GOD, GOD I THANK YOU. THANK YOU. There's been some prank caller these days, and goodness! She is irritating, annoying and just use everything bad you can use to describe her. My mom called the police anyway cause i told her to, and i really can't wait to catch this bitch. Anyway, i had prank calls to my house since i lost my beloved cybershot phone, i really loved that phone, mind you. It all happened when i was just back in Singapore after the Bangkok Training Camp which was a really screwed up one for me. It was like as if i were living in hell for those two weeks. I hate it, let me tell you. I hated it. Hate it. Back to the bitch. Well apparently someone took my phone cause i left it in the cab when i was on my way to jodie's house with amanda. Haha, i cried once i realised i lost my phone. haha. crying, goodness. crying. And then Vanessa, Jodie and Manda started calling the cab company for a few hours but hardly anyone answered. They might as well not have the phone line. And i was still sitting inside what's that place called? Shit i can't remember. Oh its mos burger. Yes i sat there crying for 2 hours i guess. And i hardly ate anything cause it's hard to eat and cry at the same time. You see, when you cry, you have this shape your mouth makes and its hard for me to open my mouth to put the food in and chew. And i think cause there's tears coming out, you have less saliva to digest the food. hahahaha, i know that's crap.
And, haha. This is bad i know, to all those people who has their faces in my cybershot phone, i think those photos maybe misused by those assholes who took my phone. And i had photos fresh from Bangkok. I should have locked them, sorry. And all those messages i had in my phone, hahahaha, those are like red hot secrets yo. hahahaha. Okay this makes me remember the phone which i dropped into the toilet bowl. hahaha, i had super interesting messages in them which could be potential hot gossips but sorry i lost them cause my phone was flooded with toilet water. That time i stayed in the toilet cubicle for more than half an hour crying while looking at that phone. Haha.
(dinner now, wait. I'm coming back to talk about some more private things. ) itunes is irritating me.
okay im back now. tell you what. i just had a HUGE bowl of rice. perhaps two or three times more that what the school gives. I didn't want to finish it at all but my aunts and grandma would be yelling at me to eat more when they keep feeding me every hour. i feel pissed at that too. hello im trying to eat a normal share of food. i have been missing gym and speed&agility for so so so long already. and i just lost weight okay. goodness, someone just asked me if i were full or not.WTH WTH WTH WTH WTH. haha, mind you im bloated. and hey! i think i have the potential to be someone with bulimic cause i realised i know how to throw up deliberately after eating. I dont wanna sit down. I have just eaten.
Haha, i have been reading somebody's blog these days, and also last time. I think she's so cool till so hottt. hahahahaha, i sound so sick. i hope you wouldn't mind. okay, chaoxiang just sent me the invitation to blog on his fan club not long ago. hahaha, hey, i can be like this, as in blogging such things. hahahahaha, im crazy. now i feel like puking. and hey hey! if i were to blog, you know what i think i will blog?
things such as,
jonathan talked to jian huan today. (please call me kaiwen)
and things like, daniel shot then sat down for awhile.
hahahahahahahaha. Im crazy.
now i feel like crying.
it's seven now. I have stayed at home for the whole day today, it was boring, very very very boring and i tried to occupy myself in everyday but it sorta failed. the thing i hate most is to have nothing to do, no dates, no schedule all that. i absolutely hate it and am disgusted by it. Later, hear me. Later, i have to go back to school cause my MC is only till today, and then i have to bathe cause im so angry im sweating and then sleep early cause i wanna go to gym on thursday. and i am gonna wear the red gym shorts to sleep cause im lazy to change in the morning. hahaha, sorry for that. i haven't did lat pull down for so long, my arms are becoming flabby, i can feel it. and my core muscles, failing me already. i love core exercises, but side bridge sucks. and lunges, you know, the metal bar im carrying is so heavy that that time my knee nearly gave way. haha, so, and FRIDAY. sorry, no TGIF for me. I have 2.4 walk/run practice in the morning. Haven't ran for long. And nobody's running anymore cause they have finished Napfa test. Only left like Cecilia, Daniella, Sherman, and i dont know who lah.
I dont really dread 2.4 that much actually. im fine with it. but im feeling so uneasy and horrible. lessons are alright, not say i dread any of them. (wow, on tv now that guy is gonna rape the girl.) (oh he didnt manage to.) (oh she met her boyfriend already, good good, the boyfriend is good to her) (wow the boyfriend wanted to throw away one billion for the girl, what a sacrifice. so hard to be seen these days.) haha. okay. so what is the problem with me. i'm like so stressed. haha. i can kill an animal now. i'm so stressed till i am like that girl who went to uni at the age of 15 and got so hell stressed up. now i feel sleepy. okay, i feel like sleeping. (tsk, my phone never rings) alright, im yawning. bye.
by the lake
